"The Holidays"

Never mind that we used to call it Christmas, Bodhi Day, Hanukkah, or Kawanzaa, it is no longer PC to call it by any name for fear of injuring someone's feelings. Well, blow it out your ear (or any other orifice that you choose). You can call it whatever you wish, even "The Holidays". It is all so superficial now. A contest of parental egos, a battle between bottom lines, and a lesson of gluttony for the smallest of us.

The Swiss have a saying that both good and bad things come from the USA. Christmas and its counterparts have become more and more banal here. The real Swiss deride this and Halloween also, with some good reason. They are both religious festivals that have become perverted by the moneychangers. Believe me, it isn't going to change.

Now for gifts. Someone sent me an internet address yesterday that takes you to Dave Barry's site at the Miami Herald. You want gifts? It has his list of unusual gifts for those who have it all. My favorite is a set of artificial nipples that ladies can wear over their own nipples. Makes them look like they have bullets under that sweater. They aren't cheap, so if any of you girls get a set as a gift, be appreciative. Googlize "Bodyperks" and see. Boy! Wouldn't be a disaster if one of those jewels slipped? Maybe it would look like she had an "outie" at her umbilicus. Wouldn't this gift be a great ice breaker for you to meet that interesting looking girl/ (whoops--not PC) woman in your building, office, etc.?

This year, "The Holidays" will be spent in Texas and Alabama for me. It will likely be warm--gag and retch. I will get to see some real college football for a change. My team didn't get off the bus this year, but I can find someone to cheer. Can't have everything, I suppose.