ER Memories

When I was a rotating intern after graduation from medical school, we were assigned a 2 month rotation in the Emergency Room. Nurses and interns staffed the place. Residents were available if you called for a consult. We saw about two hundred patients in a twentyfour hour period. We each worked twelve hour shifts. Fortunately, there were interns who were working ER as their last rotation, as well as those of us who were just starting. I had already had two months of pediatrics, so that came in handy. We all consulted each other. This was in the days before Medicare/Medicaid, so the care we gave was free.

At that time, there was a new ER being built where the old one had been, so we practiced ER medicine in a single hallway of a clinic building. This was christened The Black Hole of Calcutta. It was cramped and crowded at its best, and absolute chaos when things got busy. There was one intern almost finished with his internship who was a whiz at triage. He sat by the lady who registered the patients and quickly sorted out who needed what. A lot of bad colds and sore throats went with a prescription without having to be examined quickly to make the same diagnosis.

ER duty was both hard and easy. Long periods of boredom treating lacerations, skin eruptions, etc. Interspersed with cases where lives were saved in minutes. Saturday nights in Memphis could be hell on wheels. Gunshot wounds were common. I helped a general surgery resident open a young warrior's chest on the floor of the ER to plug up a hole in a pulmonary artery, did a bedside traction on a man whose adversary blew his entire face off with a shotgun, delivered babies in the parking lot, and treated all sorts of misery.

There were lighthearted times too. One of the registry clerks was a stickler about anyone going "back" (to our treatment area) without first having the paperwork filled out. One Sunday afternoon, a young man walked in the waiting area with a car's fan blade stuck in his skull. The room cleared in a flash. When this clerk looked at him, she said, "no need to fill these papers out, go right on back". About once a week, an elderly diabetic patient would come in by ambulance in insulin coma. Taking your insulin when you can't or won't eat is a big NO-NO for diabetics, but it was common. To see the family's response to a miracle dose of IV 50% glucose was fun. The patient was literally brought back from the dead in their eyes, and your stock went through the roof with them.

Then there was the homeless woman famous for smuggling razor blades into jail in her "nether parts". She would then cut herself and get a free ride to the ER. The police decided to do a reverse of that, so they started bring her by the ER for a pelvic exam before going to jail. She was always drunk but cooperative. New interns were told to always do a speculum exam before doing a manual.

Officer "C" was the policeman assigned to the ER. He was a likeable but pompous appearing guy who tended to be on the portly side. Once he tried to quell an unruly drunk and almost shot himself in the leg freeing up his weapon. He was quite upset when a pair of ladies panties was found in the canister that was used to dispense iced tea to the ER personnel. No one ever found out who put them in there, or how long they had been in there. There were a few green faces for awhile, and the tea consumption took a dive.