IRS Tables and Me

Not long ago, I had a chance to see the IRS Longevity Tables while looking at some investment choices.

Blow me away!!! I have a chance, only a chance, no guarantee, that I will live to be 87 years old. Not only that, if I live to be 87, my chances of 88 are great. Now that scares me a lot.

First, I may spend all my money. I DO NOT relish drooling in some Medicare facility (God knows what they will be like if I am 87). I DO NOT relish drooling any where. If my life's experiences have taught me anything at all, it is that there are a lot worse things here "alive" than being dead.

Second, the few friends that I have (my choice) will mostly, if not all, be dead. I have some great children and grandchildren, but that isn't the same as old buddies.

Third, I might not have Barbara. She insists that she will go first, but I keep telling her that the statistics are on my side. I don't want that to happen to me (selfish).

Fourth, I likely will be so gimped up that I won't be able to take a walk. Rocking chairs are fine if you are rocking a baby, but not if you cannot get up out of them.

Fifth, the sphincters will be gone or, at best, lazy. Need I say more? I do not want to do any commercials for Depends! Bob Dole, excuse me.

OK, lets look at the best scenario. I make it to 87, and Barbara is with me. We both can still function as the best 87 year olds can do (maybe better).My children will be in their sixth and seventh decades. My grandchildren will be at least in their fourth decades. That could be a lot of fun! I will most likely be a great grandfather.

Here in CH, people have retained a great deal of respect for the elderly. There is no question that I will be the oldest American living in Sachseln, or, maybe the whole country. That said, this a country of centurions, so I still may be a puppy in comparison.

Now, if I can just figure out a way to get my liver to last. It is already up for a gold medal.